Caution: My thoughts on gender and sexuality are rapidly changing and evolving, so just because you read something here, it doesn’t necessarily mean that I still think it. It just means that I thought it once.
MyShortStoryOnGenderAndSexuality
Brief background.
- born 1977
- grew up in Santa Cruz, CA (liberal)
- standard feminist upbrining: protect, encourage, understand, communicate, don’t rape, “be nice”
- labelled myself “feminist”
- wished I were female
- 2001: had daughter
- raised her to adventure, to work, and to be herself
- between the lines: “girls are better than boys”
- 2007: everything changes
- 2008: perplexed, shocked, and a totally different man
I am timid sexually, with respect to women; I relate with people intensely, and don’t do so well with small talk. Sexual courting with women always seems to (strangely, to me) work through reciprocal shallowness, playing on an edge (flirting.) I’ve always been much more straight-forward, and have difficulty acting (even thinking) otherwise.
MiddleClassWhiteSociety
I grew up and live in middle class white society.
Different cultures/classes/races have radically different ideas and realities around gender and sexuality.
If I seem racist or classist, for speaking only to white middle-class perspectives, understand that it’s because I refuse to talk about what I don’t know about. All I know is white middle class culture.
I thoroughly reject race, class, or gender supremacism.
Today, Now
MiddleClassWhiteSociety needs to fundamentally change its (our) attitudes about men & women.
We can’t be “feminists,” and we can’t be “masculinists.” We need to talk about both at the same time, and without advocating for only one or the other.
We need a spiritual perspective, a noble vision, for our genders and relationships. It’s a huge project, and I can’t do it myself, but I have insights that can help.
My experience is primarily as a man. Women suffer pains and discriminations, but not many people know that men (as a class) suffer immensely, regularly, severely, and silently. Most men don’t even realize it. (“How can that be?” Men are trained to not feel their own pain, and with good cause.)
Link Language Here
- TheProblemOfMaleSexuality – we fear it, shame it, criminalize it, etc.,.
- OccasionalMisandry – about my background in hating men
- TransferingMisandryToMyDaughter – more on my background in hating men
- FulfillingMen – the problem of fulfilling men – how can it be done?
- WomenDontKnowHowToFulfillMen – so why do we keep asking women about how we can be fulfilled?
- SexAndSpiritInMen – how does a man’s sexual nature connect with his spiritual being?
- SexualWorld – a vision of how society could be
- KalesAndKekales – kekales: fictional and essential sexual creatures living in men’s imaginations
- TrueLove – I have actually seen true love relationships before, once or twice
- MensMovement – “Whatever happened to that?” – overheard at the StoryFieldConference
- ProgressOfMen – what will the men of the future be like?
- IfYouHadaDaughterTrap – oh yeah? you wouldn’t say that if you had a daughter!
- EqualityWashing – men are just people, and “women are just as afflicted too”
- HonoraryFemale – men who eagerly search for feminine trains within themselves
- OrgasmSeeking – the bizarre myth that “men just care about orgasms”
- PornIsSanity – where a man can really understand himself, without worrying what other people think ; see also: Text001
- PaperForGold – Dave Sims, on how women confound men over sex
- AdviceToMen – my thoughts, too hastily written, for boys & men
- SexIsFoundationalToMe – which is to say, sex is an essential part of (my) life
- SmallPages – “pagelets” – not big enough to be a page, but something to be said
- SexualNeed? – on “Need” and “sexual need”
- MenNeedSex – even though they’re not getting it
- RetreatToThePast – typical strategy that I don’t believe in
- AtomizingSociety – just how small can we make the society required to raise an individual? From 4, to 3, to 2, to, … 1?!
Pages I Want to Make
- QueerTheory? – I’m a plain vanilla heterosexual male, with an interest in QueerTheory?. Queer theorists are sort of like the Anarchists of sexuality: They assume just about nothing, and branch out in all sorts of different directions, some crazy, some not, always asking fundamental questions.
- MyHistoryOfThinkingAboutSex? – born 1977, raised in feminist community (Santa Cruz & Aptos, California,) thoroughly accepted, then sciences, pro-feminist whole time, 1st experience discriminations consciously in high school, self-hatred for being male, discriminations at the lumber yard, discussing superiority of women at video games company, teaching daughter about superiority of women, conversations with friends, moving experience w/ Amber, Storyfield Conference 2007, Craig & Rich Zubaty 2007-2008, …
See Also
- WarrenFarrell – originated in NOW; one of the most important people in the MensMovement
- RichZubaty – little known – spiritualist, mysogynist, masculinist, and has a heck of a lot of things to tell young men; completely altered my worldview
- NorahVincent – lesbian butch, lived as a man for a year, amazing story, and really changed my ideas about what lesbian butch women are like, as well
Books & Websites
- GenderWarSexualityAndLove – by ZedTheEnder – I haven’t read all of it, but have strong appreciation for the little I’ve read.
- IfMenCouldTalk – probably on the right track.
- WhatMenKnowThatWomenDont – strong reservations about author’s mysogyny, but his voice is very much needed right now – this book single-handedly shocked me out of my misandry (see: OccasionalMisandry)
- NoMarriage – website, recommends against marrying, or otherwise permanently hitching with a woman. If you’re not experiencing TrueLove, (that is, the great vast majority of all people, wherever they are relationship wise,) then read this and do not get married, or make any permanent vows with a woman. I am disheartened when I hear of a couple getting married; I know that she will rejoice, as will he (though less so,) and in 5 years time, he will be bitched, and she will stomp all over him, mercilessly.
- What Everyone Should Know about Feminist Issues: The Male-Positive Perspective – 1992 book; slightly too conservative for me, but tons of excellent points and good research
- PaulKivelsMensWork – an HonoraryFemale wants to teach men to just stop hitting women over & over already, suppress their sexual desires, etc.,.
I have only once met a happily married couple. (I think.) If you’ve met a happily married couple before, please let me know about them, and how I may contact them – I have a ton of questions I’d like to ask them.
Update 2008-05-17: Nobody has emailed me to tell me about a happily married couple. Read http://www.speakeasy.org/~lion/ to get in contact w/ me.
Update 2008-06-01: Still looking for happily married couples, … Helloooo, … You’ve got to be out there somewhere, …