This is a vision of how the world might work.
I have no idea if it would actually work.
But it seems to me like a place where I’d want to live, where I’d encourage my daughter to grow up, that my girlfriend would be happy living, and on the whole, really seems like a rocking good place to be.
- Women work for their own money. – Not just clerical work, but programming work, construction work, engineering, lawyering, etc., etc., but also sex work. Women’s independence from men is an absolutely fantastic idea, and feminists are absolutely right: Women’s freedom is a good thing for men and for women.
- Sex encouraged for boys and men. – Starting around age 13. (Girls still at 18, since we all know that they’re irrevocably damaged if they have sex before then…) Why so young? Because every boy is enduring the nightmare of sexlessness at age 13, and that’s morally offensive, and damaging to men everywhere. Specifically, because I am morally outraged that I wasn’t having sex when I was 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, and 18. And I’m absolutely certain I wasn’t alone. And I’m absolutely certain that sex doesn’t result in damange for boys in those ages. “Certain” = “have talked with a great many men who were in that situation.”
- Endorse prostitution. – Not just legalized, but endorsed. To be perfectly honest: The majority of women I’ve read who have most deeply understood and appreciated male sexuality, and had the most sympathy for men, were high end prostitutes. This includes not only female prostitutes, but male prostitutes as well! (More on ListeningToProstitutes? elsewhere.) There should be so much prostitution, that the price of prostitution goes down.
- Evolve prostitution. – We should connect prostitution with psychological care for men. Prostitutes should be encouraged to take psychology programs, focusing in psychology, sociology, and the study of men. “Will women get prostitutes too?” Absolutely, and they should strive to understand the psychology, sociology, and modern issues for women, as well. They should study and re-enact the personas of Romance Novel characters. Hard work, to be sure!
- Sacred prostitution. – an old phrase, an old activity, should clearly be revived – so much of sex is about shame for men, and that really needs to change.
- Sexual charity. – Old men, disabled, and the merely “haven’t figured out the dating game” have enormous difficulty having sex. We need to take very seriously the idea of sexual charity and sexual insurance. If there’s a male that you know who’s not having fulfilling sex, that’s a serious social failing.
- Marriage for responsibility. – Marriage is about commitment to raise a child together. Marriage has utterly failed to be about romance and sexuality. If every couple needs marriage therapy and decades of “working at it” for a marriage to be a success, then we can only call marriage a complete social failure. Far better will be to just completely separate the expectations of romance and sexuality away from the marriage. (side note: sex & romance are not separable for men; see: SexAndSpiritInMen.) The modern marriage in MiddleClassWhiteSociety is deeply oppressive towards men.)
- Men: Sex. – Men, not women, shall be celebrated as “the sexy sex,” the gender that holds the honor of sexuality, who are seen as the center of sex and sexuality. Women by nature are positively bland when it comes to sex and sexual vision. The only reason their writing is more sexual is because they are the only people allowed (endorsed, permitted,) to make sexual writing, in our culture. Male sexual writing is hated and discouraged. (see: TheProblemOfMaleSexuality.)
- Women: Romance? – Women will continue to be celebrated as “the romantic sex” and “the fairer sex.” Men do love women for who they are, and not only as the KeKale surrogate that they function as in sex. Our society is healthy not because we’re the same, but because we’re different, and men genuinely do love women exactly as they are. “You as you are” is only part of what drives us to sex, as any woman who puts on makeup knows – but we do love (and protect) you. (The question mark is after “Women: Romance?”, because I honestly don’t feel very comfortable about speaking for women’s identities, being that I am not one. Speaking for men is embarassing enough as it is!)
- Sexual Harassment Laws Change. – Men and women will work in the same workplaces, and in roughly equal numbers (due to inspirational efforts that attract women to work new roles, only partly due to quota.) Sexual harassment laws will remain (men punished for harassing women,) but they will change. Men cannot mistreat women (cat calls, promotion-for-sex, touching butts,) and women cannot mistreat men (flirting, bending over, emotional manipulation, playing weak,) – but both are granted their psychic space. Specifically, if a man has a poster with naked women on it, or any other objects representing his desires up on the walls, women can’t complain about “men being men.” Men’s natural desires can’t be considered offensive to women – they just have to make peace that “that’s what goes on in his head.” Women can lace up their office walls however they want. Naked firemen? Sure, whatever you like. This may all end up in very strict protocol about how men and women in the workplace, and honestly, I don’t see that as necessarily a bad thing. It’s much better than a vague protocol that works only against men, and it’s much better than “men work, women don’t.” I (and most men I know) highly value “Amazon feminists” and “Valkyries.”
- Multicultural. – Women who want to raise kids and stay at home are (or can be) noble like the Amish, and we should celebrate them, as well. We should prize their historic re-enactments of taking the home and house seriously, and honor their high standards.
This is the beginning of an outline for a world where men’s sexuality is prized, rather than a problem (TheProblemOfMaleSexuality.)
“You have a daughter. Would you encourage her to live in this world?” Well, it’s the IfYouHadaDaughterTrap (“If you disagree, you belong in jail. If you agree, you wouldn’t say what you’re saying,”) but I’ll bite: YES, I absolutely believe that this is a good world for my daughter. She’ll grow up in a world with full dignity and access to any profession of creativity she wants to blossom into. If she needs to make extra money during or after college, she’d be able to take care of men with real sexual needs to pay a good chunk of her college, and perhaps start saving for the future. She’d get a great job after college programming, or doing whatever her creativity asks of her. She’ll find a boyfriend who loves her, and have a child with him, and they will raise the child in joy and happiness, without the pressures of sex or money (the two most common causes of divorce) to separate them. She’ll be able to actually hire someone to help make romance novel dreams come true.
All in all, I think this is a wonderful solution for men and for women, and I would happily entrust future generations with this vision. As it is, the world makes men (and also women) downright miserable.
It is utterly unrealistic to expect men and women who are both working to both fulfill each other romantically and sexually. And it is shameful to promise boys that “You’ll have sex when you’re older,” when you really mean, “Well, for about 3-5 years you’ll have sex, before you get married. Then you’ll be “working on the relationship” for decades.” (I, personally, feel ripped off.)
Sex and relationships should bring us deep and profound joys. That’s what they are for. Sacrificing ourselves, making misery of our lives, “for the sake of the future,” is only partly noble, but mostly stupid. Pain is never spiritual. It may be necessary, for a time, but it’s certainly not spiritual.
I recommend re-reading KahlilGibran?, OnMarriage.
Here’s one part:
- Love one another, but make not a bond of love.
- Let it rather be a moving sea between
- the shores of your souls.
Side note: I’m open to other inspiring visions.
See Also
GenderAndSexuality